Sugarfree Lovers

December 20, 2019

good bye

They say it's hard to say hello, 
I feel I can't say good bye.

I don't know when I will get to see you again,
but I know I have so many things to tell you

Still, I just leave. 
I just leave feeling confused, 
why I didn't say how much I am going to miss you

Why I didn't say, how nice it is to be with you.
Why I didn't say, that I don't want to leave,
and kept hoping that you will ask me to stay

The last memories of me you will have will be of our parting,
but did I make it something you can cherish?

In the rush of planning the next moment how I miss to live the now.
I could have said this, done that, is the only repent which stays

Hellos are important and so are goodbyes
Make your Hello cheerful and good bye warm.

Because from where we end, from there we start again!

November 14, 2019


मेरे  हर पल का हिसाब रखने वाले,

काश तुमने मेरा भी ख़याल रखा होता 

आईने के सामने के मेरे वक़्त को गिनने वाले,
मर्दो से भरे इस जहान में हर रोज जो लड़ाईया मैं  लड़ती हूँ उनको भी गिना होता 

मेरी आँखो में जो काजल मैं भरती हूँ 
उसकी जग़ह जो ग़म मैं उनमे छुपाती हूँ उसे देखा होता  

मेरी परेशानियों और थकान को भूलकर एक पल भी बैठे बीना 
घऱ में घुसते ही जो काम पे लग जाती हूँ उसे भी देखा होता 

तुमसे ज्यादा करने के बाद भी तुमसे बराबर होने के लिए 

जो मैं रोज घर के बाहर जाती हूँ  उसे भी देखा होता 

मेरी चुप्पी को गुरुर समझने के पहले 

उसके पीछे जो निराशा हैं उसे देखा होता 

औरत को नर्म होना है  बचपन से ये सीखा तुमने 

पर उसके सख्त होने की वज़ह  को अगर जाना होता 

जानती हूँ करली उम्मीद मैंने ज्यादा की 

काश मेरे जिस्म की जग़ह रूह को छू पते तुम 

मेरी खूबियों को बेशक न देखना तुम कभी,

कमियों के आगे बढ़ कर काश मुझे देख पाते तुम 

July 6, 2019

Life Happens

In the summers of late 1980’s the first born boy of a well know north Indian Brahmin family got hitched to a beautiful first born girl of another well-known Brahmin Family. Summer was on its peak and so was their love and then after 9 months Life Happened and yours truly came into this world J
From childhood, I have been trained that I need to take the legacy of the first born to next level and show all the younger ones how to lead life. Not just my own siblings, my first cousins, my second, third, fourth cousins, my neighborhood kids, I was supposed to be the role model for everyone. 4 year old kid and so much pressure to perform, I became a perfect obedient child any parent would want. But that also made me an introvert. Or should I say I had split personality disorder, because I was a super fun child in school but very serious and studious kid at home. I was doing good in studies and well in co-curricular activities, teacher’s pet and a perfect role model, life was going fine for everyone until my parents decide to add some spice in my life.

They made me, the not so sporty girl to go in NCC (National Cadet Core), and like the obedient girl I was, I joined it for them. First time I stayed away from home for a week. Homesick and socked as we used to sleep on floor and bath inside a tent in a jungle, I was counting days to go back home. And on the final day, I came to know that this camp was the selection camp for basic leadership camp and I am selected for next camp which means I must live here for 10 more days.  My uncle who used to live in that same city was there to meet me, I was crying to go back home and hence he called my mom. She heard me out and asked me to give the phone to my uncle and told him, make sure she stays there and does not run back home. I was stunned, did my parents disowned me? Will I always live in this jungle?

Now I had only one way to survive, I must like what is there in front of me, accept it and move on. Therefore, I gave my 100% in those 10 days in all the assignments and activities we got to do. I tried to make friends so that my stay becomes comfortable. Soon I stared to like this whole thing and an introvert started to open-up. Next year I took part in republic day camp and represented my state in national. Won the nationals in rifle shooting and 1st runner up in best cadet nationwide. It was indeed a very proud moment for me and my family when I got to shake hands with our then prime minister Mr. Atal Bihari Bajpai. I returned home after 2 months as a very confident teenager, and that’s where life happened.

However, soon after that I had my boards and being the first born I had to do very well there, you see role model. And as an obedient kid from middle class Indian family, I went for engineering and became one J

Years flew, campus was done, I had a job offer in my hand, but patents decided to give a new twist in the tale. They wanted me to stay back home and look for some opportunity in my hometown, as they were worried how I will live alone in a big city. And I was shocked, are they not the same people who made sure I don’t come back home from that jungle. But I decided to do things my way this time and came to Bangalore. And life happened when parents saw me not just surviving in a new city alone but also living happily and doing well at work.

Years passed and now parents had an-other thing in their “TO DO list” which they were eager to tick out and hence started looking for alliance for me. In the search of same I met this snooty guy whom I hated in beginning and later fell for. Yes, life happened again to me in the most unexpected way and time.

By nature, Indians are very caring people. We care about what’s happening in other’s life more than what’s going on in our own. Hence now it was time for me to prove to the society that my reproductive system is working fine. On first day of my maternity break I was feeling so bored, I though let me go to a parlor and waste my hared earned money. Due date was still 15 days away but as expected, life happens to me when I expect it the least. I was rushed from a massage room to the labor room. And the most beautiful part of my life I lived that day amid all the madness which was going around.

Even now after all these years, the pressure of being the role model and perfect first born is still there. But the intensity has reduced over time. Now whenever I get to talk to my younger cousins, or colleagues and friends. I tell them that don’t be like anyone else, just be what you are. because you cannot control life you can only live life. And the most magical moments of your life will happen when you expect it the least. Moments which will change your perspective and thinking and make you a better and happier version of yourself. So you just keep living and let the life happen!

PS: This write-up was my Ice breaker speech in Toastmasters 

June 9, 2019

5 Things I learned the Hardway

Life is not a bed of roses, not even for the most blessed people, they have their own set of challenges. And especially when you want to improve yourself and your life with every passing day, it’s not a cakewalk. Everyday bring us different experiences, it’s up to us if we want to learn from those or let it go. Every person who crosses our life and every incident which takes place is an opportunity to absorb and improve ourselves. And in my existence on this planet, in the process of becoming better and happier I have learned few things the hard way

1    1. You can’t make everyone happy

How much ever you like this to happen, it’s very difficult to make everyone around you happy. Each one can have different requirements and at times they can be contradictory to one another. You cannot make the points meet in such case. So, stop taxing yourself for pleasing everyone. I used to be a people-pleaser, will always put everyone before me, but I never got such gesture back from them. I kept burning myself and slowly there was lot of frustration buildup. Hence, I decided to stop pleasing everyone around me. I do things which are important, I try not to hurt anyone knowingly, but I don’t go extra miles to satisfy all of them in all possible ways.

2    2.  Your happiness is the key

Now that you are not busy pleasing other, concentrate on yourself. An empty glass can’t fill another one, until you are happy you can’t spread positivity. I have seen this personally, when I am happy I am more productive. My positive feeling radiates to people around me. When I sulk, I can’t be my best, and my happiness is my responsibility. So, work on your own happiness, create it, don’t expect other to do it for you.

3    3.  Be what you are

Never ever pretend to be what you are not. We pretend mostly to mingle with few or please few others. But that is not healthy for you. You can’t be what you are not for long and it will be disappointing for others also to know that they never knew the real your, comes across as a negative trait. Mostly people pretend to please others and as said earlier, you can’t please all and be happy. Be yourself, you will be comfortable, and you will find people around your who really value YOU. At the same time, be clear that pretending and improving are two different things 😊

4    4.  Physical and mental health are one

I learned this when I was going through a very low phase in my life (sometimes we tend to miss on our blessing and start counting only issues). Work stress was at its peak and I was still a new mother, I was trying hard to make ends meet and that somewhere was taking toll on me. When I talked about this to an expert, first thing she asked me was, do you drink enough water, do you do any physical activity/exercise, do you sleep enough. And as soon as I tried taking care of these things for a week, I saw significant improvement in my mood and behavior. I was amazed to see this and from then I am a true believer that mental and physical health are interrelated. So be whatever, do take time out to take care of yourself. Keep yourself hydrated, try to sleep for 6 hours at least, and do some exercise be it yoga/gym/ or just some walk. You will see the changes in you yourself.

1    5.  You have time

And after reading all the above points if your response is that I don’t have time to do any of this, then my friend you are wrong. You have time, you have good amount of time to do everything you want to do. All you need to do is, prioritize what you want to do and why. Cut on your screen time or time on internet and you will have time to exercise, read a book, meet a friend or have a hobby. It’s all about prioritizing and willingness to do. Trust me when I say this I am a mother of 4 after all 😊

May 12, 2019

Perfect Mother

Motherhood is rewarding yet challenging. My mother used to cook for me every time I crave to eat something special, on other hand I do order-in when my son asks for some special treat. My mom had to go and meet my teachers if she wanted any update on me, I can Whats-app my kid’s teacher or can investigate his daily activities through the school app. Technology has made life easier for all of us, including the mothers. Yet in this time and age being a mother is not simple.

Now the challenges are different. You are constantly getting judged and compared. The pressure of being the prefect mother, who have perfect kids and perfect home is more than ever. Mother who is expected to be in shape and look polished all the time, Mother who is working so that she can be the provider too and can bring more on table. There is a lot of compression and believe it or not we end up giving in to it mostly and burn ourselves.

Hence today on mother’s day I take a moment to congratulate all the mothers and tell them that you are doing amazingly great job as a mom. And never ever feel guilty for these:
  • Your Body does not look like before, how it can be. It has shaped a human, kept a life inside it for 9 months and later nurtured it though breastfeeding.
  •  The stretchmark which makes you shy away from flaunting your belly. Remember for every stretchmark you are sad about there is a woman who wants it.
  • Your house is unkempt, that is okay. Kid is your priority, look after them, don’t be harsh on yourself. House will be cleaned later, or ask for help
  • Took a career break, and there is a lot of competition out there. You will be few years behind in your career but the memories you created with kids while staying back home will be cherished forever.
  • Going to work leaving an infant with someone else. When the kid grows up, they will have a role model of independence and multitasking. Also, they will become independent and social sooner.
  •  Not able to attend all PTMs or take kid to every single activity and class due to your job timings. Kids will excel in things they are good at anyway and look-up to you for being committed to your work. Let your partner attend some, Dad and kid will improve their bond.
  • You are human, so you make mistakes. Kids will learn to have acceptance and give chances. They will get to see real life and won’t be too disappointed when they grow up and face the world.

So, this Mother’s Day in place of signing the glory of mother’s love and sacrifices, let us accept and celebrate the imperfections. Because at end what my kid will remember about me is my love for him and nothing else. Because no mother is perfect or imperfect, every mother is the best mother to her kids.
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