Sugarfree Lovers

April 30, 2010

Guilt ..... ( Continued )

Before reading this post author requests you to read part-1 of this story. That will help you enjoy the story better.

Nihal was in deep sleep, when the phone ring disturbed him. In half sleep he saw Surbhi’s number flashing on his phone. His beloved’s call at such odd time made him worried.

Hello Surbhi, what happened? Are you alright? Why are you calling so late? Is everything fine?” he asked all this in one breath.

Nihal….” Voice came from other side, it was Surbhi only.

Yes baby tell me. What happen?”

Nihal….. I am pregnant” she said in trembling voice.

What?” the last word took away his sleep. He was shocked.

He sat on his bed, thought for a while and said “Don’t worry Surbhi, tomorrow only we will go to some gyno and get the abortion done.”

Abortion....” “But why? We can get married, right?”

Marriage is not possible for me now. I have to make my career first. We have no money for all this” Nihal shouted, he was trying hard to handle the situation.

We will manage Nihal, I will also work somewhere. Everything will be alright. You don’t take tension baby” Surbhi tried to calm down him. But he was not able to digest the pregnancy news.

See Surbhi you do not understand. I can’t commit now. I am not ready for the responsibilities” He shouted and abruptly disconnected the call, without bothering to listen to what Surbhi was saying at the other end.

Surbhi called again and again, but he didn’t pickup and switched of the phone. He was feeling very restless, scared, worried. He went on the hostel terrace and started walking restlessly. He knew Surbhi very well. If she decides something she will not listen to anyone. She won’t get ready for abortion. And on any case he can’t think of marriage right now. He has his dreams to fulfill. He won’t let them go on any case. But then what about Surbhi? Full night he had this fight between his heart and brain. His was tired thinking about all the consequences this pregnancy can create.

At the end he gave up, and decided to run away from the problem. Next day, early morning he left his hostel and Agra forever. He did not give his contact details to any of his friends. And after that day he never called Surbhi ever.

He went to his grandparent’s place and took admission in a college there, to complete his final year of studies. Sometimes he used to feel guilty for running away from his responsibilities, he used to remember Surbhi and cry full night but never got the guts to go back and accept them.

Time passed, he completed his studies and got a very good job in the USA and moved from India.


With time these memories faded, but the guilt of acting coward was still there. Today after 5 years of that night this small girl’s eyes made him revisit that part of his life which he avoided always.

Uncle you want candies?” It was Sur’s voice, which brought him back to the present world. The small girl had 5 different colored candies on her palm and was offering them to Nihal. He smiled and picked one.

No don’t take that.” Sur shouted.

What happen?”

You take some other color, this one I will eat. Red is my favorite color” She smile and said. Nihal smiled and gave back the red candy to her. He noticed Sur has dimples, and her smile is something to die for. Again that made him think of Surbhi and the guilt came back. He didn’t want to think of the past at all. So he started talking to Sur.

So Sur do you go to school?” Sur nodded her hade on Nihal’s question.

Which class you study in?”

L K G. And this year I got A+” the way Sur was flaunting her A grade made Nihal laugh. Then he asked her to sing some L K G rhymes. They both were enjoying each other’s company.

Sur, what is your papa’s name?”

My papa’s name is Mr. Ujjwal Mathur.” She replied in same way as children reply for viva exam in school. Nihal remembered that he had some chocolates in his bag, which he bought for his relative’s kids. He took out one chocolate from his laptop bag offered it to Sur and asked “And what’s your mommy’s name?”

She got a spark in her eyes after seeing chocolate. She snatched it from Nihal’s hand and replied “My mommy’s name is Surbhi Saxena Mathur

Surbhi Saxena” That name made him go weak on his knees. Nihal was speechless. From past five years he is running away from his past and it is coming back to him like this. He became nervousness and started to sweat.

Sur’s naani lives in Agra and her mom’s name is Surbhi Saxena Mathur…. So Sur is Surbhi’s daughter? Surbhi must be here somewhere here then. I can’t face her. I can’t do this” He was breathing very fast. He turned towards his bag, and decided to escape.

But as he stood up, his heart said “Don’t act like a coward again. Be here and face her. You did wrong with her and was always guilty for the same. God is giving you one chance to reduce your guilt, face her. Tell her how much sorry you are for your act” But mind never let the heart to dominate “Don’t act foolish Nihal. Just leave this place. You can’t face her. You can never give answers to her questions. Just move from here”. The fight between heart and mind was very intense. He felt that the world gone upside down and he just sat on the chair. After some time he took a deep breath and said out loud “I won’t act coward any more. I will accept my mistakes. I will face her. I will meet Surbhi”. He was feeling suffocated and restless so he moved towards the window.

Nihal was pointlessly staring at the sky when he heard her voice.

Hey baby. Mommy is back. What my sweetheart is doing?”

Yes it’s Surbhi’s voice. Nihal’s heart was beating fast, very fast. He wanted to turn back and go to Surbhi but his legs were too heavy to move that time.

Who gave you chocolate sweetie?” Surbhi asked Sur. For which Sur pointed her finger towards Nihal. “Did you say thanks to uncle?” Surbhi smiled and moved to Nihal to say thanks.

Excuse me”. It was Surbhi standing behind Nihal. She came to say thanks to him. Nihal got ready for his encounter with the past. He took a deep breath and turned to face her.

Surbhi never-ever expected Nihal there. She was shocked. She stood there numb for a while with her mouth wide open. Facing Nihal made her go through all the pain again.

Nihal looked in her wide sea green eyes, her lips, and her hairs. She was as gorgeous as she was 5 years back.

Nihal couldn’t take his eyes of her, Surbhi felt uncomfortable. She managed herself and said “How are you? And where were you all these years?”

I was in USA

There was endless salience between them. No one was getting what to say, as they both had so much to ask and say they didn’t knew where to start from. Nihal wanted to confess his guilt to Surbhi as early as possible. But he was running short of words.

Your daughter is very cute” He tried to start conversation.

Thanks” Surbhi said with fake smile.

Actually, I am very sorry Surbhi.”

Nihal was expecting Surbhi to be angry on him but she looked more calm and composed. He continued “I know what I did to you was wrong. I left you all alone when u needed me the most. I acted coward. I don’t know you can forgive me or not but I always had this guilt feeling with me….. Please forgive me Surbhi. I am really sorry” He knew it won’t be easy to get forgiveness for his act.

He was trying to put his feelings in word when Surbhi said “It’s ok. I have moved on in life. That was the worst phase of my life, but now it’s over. I don’t want to go back in time and hurt myself again. Better you also move on.” They both were talking without any eye contact. That one night had turned a beautiful relation into an awkward one.

Nihal felt little light after hearing that Surbhi has left the past behind. Still he had many other questions running restlessly in his mind. “Did you abort that child?” he asked hesitatingly.

Child! I was not pregnant that time Nihal

What! You were not pregnant?” He was confused like hell.

No, I was not. It was just a silly prank I played with you for fun. You knew that I loved to play pranks on you. But I never thought my prank will come back on me like that.” Surbhi continued “I called you so many times, searched for you everywhere. But you were so much scared of responsibilities that you left me all alone and ran away. I never expected that from the man I loved.”

Nihal failed to keep his balance and fell on the chair. Till now he had the hope, that once Surbhi forgives him he will be free from this guilt. But now whatever he came to know, that took away all his self confidence. Now he has to live with this guilt of being a coward throughout his life.

April 26, 2010


Nihal was sitting in the Mumbai airport lounge, as his flight to Nagpur got delayed by 6 hours due to heavy rain. After 4 years he was back to India from USA. It was his mom’s bad health which made him come back. Nihal was trying to pass time by reading magazines, but how long he can read them.

What a bad luck I have. Wasting time here, forgot my laptop charger too. What a bad day it is” he said to himself in frustration. He looked around to find any familiar face, but didn’t find any. But there was one girl in the lounge who stole his attention. Her milky white complexion, small pink lips, and curly locks attracted him towards her. He got up from his place, went and sat next to her. She was playing with her barbie, and didn’t give any attention to Nihal.

He bent a little and asked her “Hey little angel, what’s your name?”

She was busy combing her barbie’s hair, without even looking at Nihal she replied “Sur”.
Nice name. So where are you going Sur” he was still looking at her with a hope that she will give him some attention. But she replied without looking at him “Agra, to meet my naani ma (maternal grandmother)”.

After failing to get little girl’s company Nihal started trying to get busy with the magazines again.
Have you been to Agra?” He turned his head. It was Sur who asked him the question. He shook his head in agreement and looked at the little girl. This time he had eye contact with Sur and felt that she was so cute. Who won’t feel to play with her, shower all the love on her? And her eyes were so big and beautiful. They reminded him of someone, who was very close to him. Her eyes made him go back to those pages of his life which he never wanted to open again. But this time the urge of memories was so strong that he flew back in time.


That day was like any other day in the Agra University. He reached university, parked his bike and started to walk towards the library when he heard a girl’s voice “Excuse me, can you tell me where the library is?” He turned and saw a girl in green salwaar kameez, with big sea-green eyes. He never saw her in university before.

Go straight then take left. You will find it on the first floor of that red building.” “By the way I am also going there. If you want you can come with me”. They both started walking quietly when he broke the silence. “My name is Nihal and your name?”

I am Surbhi” and she smiled. That was the most stunning smile he ever saw in his life. Her dimples were making her look so gorgeous. That day in library his attention was less on books and more on this pretty girl. He wanted to touch her soft skin, play with her curly hairs and get lost in her big green eyes.

Now every day they started meeting in the library. She was one year junior to him. So he use to help her in studies and this way he was able to see her lovely face for more time.

Six months passed and they became good friends. But he always felt more than a friend for her. He decided that today he will speak his heart out to Surbhi. On the way to university he stopped at a flower shop and bought one yellow and one red rose.

After library he called Surbhi near the back gate garden of the university. In her red dress she was looking as beautiful as always. “What is so secret that you called me here?” She asked annoyingly as it was very sunny.

He took out the red rose in right hand and yellow rose in left. He went down on his knee, closed his eyes and said “I like you Surbhi. You are the most beautiful girl I ever met. When I see you my heart skips a beat. I am not sure how you feel about me, but I love you.”

There was silence all around for 2 min. Nihal’s heart was beating so fast that he was able to hear his heartbeat. He broke the silence “See I just said what I feel. The final decision is yours. If you have same feeling for me you can take the red rose else….”

Before he could complete his sentence Surbhi took the red rose and said casually “I always like red more than yellow and you see it matches with my dress too.” Nihal gave her a puzzled look. She smiled and took his hand in her hands and said “I love you too”. Her acceptance for his feelings made Nihal so happy and excited that he took Surbhi in his arms and kissed on her cheeks. He was the happiest man on earth that day.

Now they use to be together most of the time. Roaming around the city, spending evenings at bank of Yamuna near Taj Mahal, and hour long talk on phone was a daily affair. Soon they were famous among friends as two body one soul or the best couple and what not. They were so much into each other that they never noticed that it has been one and a half years together. With time their closeness increased and bond became stronger. Life was going all fine and smooth until Nihal got a phone call in the middle of that night, which changed him and his life forever.

To be continued……. here 

PS: do come back to know who called Nihal that night and how his life changed.

April 16, 2010

Shadi Aaj Kal

Today is my parent’s 26th wedding anniversary. Early morning I called them and gave my well wishes. I started for office but all the way I was remembering the stories I heard from my parents and grandparents about how their marriage got fixed and how it took place.

Now I and most of my friends are in the age, where our parents are worried about our marriage. But search and selection process for the groom/bride is very much different than what it was some 20 years back. I thought, let me share my views about the changes seen in arranged marriage process from yesterday to today on my blog. So here’s my view on Shadi aaj kal. :)

No 1#
Shadi Kal: Selection or rejection of boy/girl was based on their photo given for marriage proposal.

Shadi Aaj: Selection or rejection of boy/girl is not based on just their photo. As with the help of new software any one can look awesome in photo. (Now a day’s even swami ji says that the video is morphed :), then what’s there in a photo :P)

No 2#

Shadi Kal: First face to face meeting of boy and girl was in their mandap at the time of wedding.

Shadi Aaj: Boy and girl can’t even think of marriage without meeting in person.

No 3#

Shadi Kal
: No dating, orkut, facebook, email, Gmail, chatting, tweeting, texting, and phone calls before marriage.

Shadi Aaj: dating, orkut, facebook, email, Gmail, chatting, tweeting, texting, and phone calls continue for 2 to 3 week, as a process of data collection which will help in decision making.

No 4#

Shadi Kal: Girl should cook very well. She should be master in all homely work.

Shadi Aaj: Girl should earn very well. She should be ready to pay half of her salary to the home maid.

No 5#

Shadi Kal: You can find the perfect bride/groom through your pandit or relative’s network.

Shadi Aaj: Your perfect bride/groom is just a click away. Thanks to so many matrimonial sites.

No 6#

Shadi Kal: Father wants to know daughter’s opinion about the boy, for which the shy girl makes a hole on floor with her toe and says “Whatever you feel right is ok with me”. :D

Shadi Aaj: Before father gives his opinion about the boy, girl says “Dad, the guy doesn’t have six-packs and he earns only 1L/month. I feel we should look for some more options.”

No 7#

Shadi Kal: A reason to reject the girl “Yaar, she loves someone else”.

Shadi Aaj: A reason to reject the girl "Dude, she told she is a lesbian :( "

PS: At last, how much ever changes we see in the searching and selection process of bride/groom, still the secret behind a successful marriage is same throughout the years. Empathy, responsibility, commitment, love and concern is common among all the successful marriages of aaj and kal. :)

Do share your views or any personal experience about the same on comments :D

April 9, 2010

From my Canvas

I love to paint, but as I started working this hobby of mine has taken back seat (last seat will be more appropriate though). Few days back I came across someone’s beautiful paintings, which made me open my drawing book again. I thought, let’s share some of my old painting with my friends, and if they like it I will seriously think about painting again. So here are some pieces of my canvas just for you :)

Beautiful Marathi WomanStyle: Oil Paint

Nariyal Pani in hot summerStyle: Water colour

Art and CraftStyle: Pen work with water colour

That’s all for now. I will share the rest of them some other time, but you let me know if you like them and want to see more :)

April 6, 2010

I love you Papa

Nupur was sitting on her bed, wearing her beautiful red lehenga. Her long hairs were decorated with jasmine flowers and hands were full with mehndi. She was wearing her mom’s wedding necklace, which was her favorite from childhood. It’s her wedding tonight. The day every girl dreams about from childhood. Every girl wants to look her best on her wedding and that’s why bride is always late on her wedding. As special day’s special makeup takes long time. But Nupur was ready 30 min before the jaymala* muhurat. This was because of her Papa, as he is very punctual about time. He had already instructed the beautician to get his daughter ready on time. Now when the ladies left the room to get dressed for the wedding and Nupur was alone in the room. She looked outside the door. Everyone was busy in the last minute arrangements. Her mom didn’t even have time to get mehndi on her hands, as she has lots of work to look after. Her younger brother, who uses to fight with her for everything from toys to TV remote, was busy guiding the caterers. And among all, busiest one was her Papa. Who was in his late 50’s and still running around to get things done on time.

Mixed emotions were playing hide and seek in her heart. She felt nostalgic. Her childhood memories were passing in front of her eyes. From tomorrow she will not get her mom’s best raajma chawal, bhai won’t disturb her with his imaginary boring stories and Papa will not come to wake her up in the morning. She loves all of them a lot, but with papa she never expressed it in words. She was completely into the sea of thoughts as a tear rolled down her rosy cheeks. She got up from bed and went to her study table, opened the letter pad and started writing.

Dear Papa,

When you will read this latter, I won’t be here. Tomorrow I won’t come to give you your morning tea with newspaper. Neither I will be there to open the door when you will come back from office.

Papa, you have always been my ideal man and the biggest support throughout. Papa, do you remember my very first day in school. I joined 1st Std in new school. I was very sad, as because of your transfer I left my old school and friends. I was silent all the way to school, and then you told me “Making friends is an art. Only good people can make new friends wherever they go. But they don’t leave there old friends too.” I remembered this line every time we changed city and school. And as a result today I have so many loving friends, and I am in contact with most of them. Whenever I use to fight with bhai for toys you use to make me understand that I am elder to bhai, I should take care of him and not fight with him. On every path of life you thought me something and made me a better human being.

I never talked very openly to you as your strict and disciplined nature use to scare me sometimes, but I admired you the most for the same discipline always. Even if I don’t tell you still you use to understand that I have some problem and you will lend me your help. You never dictated your children. You always gave us the light of knowledge and left the final decision on us, so that we can learn the art of decision making.

Papa, I never hugged you and said how much I love you. But today through this letter I want my dearest Papa to know that I Love you a lot. You are the Best Papa in this world. I love you Papa.

--Your loving daughter Nupur.

As she finished the letter, she heard her friends yelling “Nupur, baraat came. Your hubby is so handsome”. They were all giggling and teasing Nupur when Nupur’s mom came in room to take her to the mandap* for jaymala.

The wedding went very well. Everything took place perfectly and on time. Everyone was very happy. And now it was time for Bidai. The newly wedded couple was taking blessings from all the relatives one by one. When the couple went to Nupur’s papa, he gave them lot of blessings and he slipped a piece of paper in Nupur’s hand. It was a letter for Nupur.

My dear angel,

In past 24 years I have got so much used to see you around me that from tomorrow how I will manage without you I don’t know. You must have thought that papa is always so strict. But I am like this so that my children will learn discipline and good habits in life. Whenever you came to me asking what you should choose in life, I never gave final word, as I wanted you to take your own decision. Whether they are right or wrong, they will teach you the real lessons of life. And today I feel I succeeded in that. You and your brother have always been very good and made me feel proud.

I never hugged you, never kissed you and said you are my best daughter. But I always did it in my heart. From now on you will start a new life for yourself. I am very much sure that you will be happy and keep everyone happy in your new home. Today I want you to know my daughter that your papa loves you a lot. You are the best daughter in the world my darling. You are my real angel. I will miss you a lot beta.

--Your proud Papa.

Next morning Nupur called her papa. Now both of them knew how much love they have for each other. The conversation they had that day was the best till date. There was a new closeness and comfort they found in each other. They have discovered the joy of true father daughter relation.

*Jaymala: Garland changing ceremony in Hindu (north Indian) wedding.

*Mandap: Canopy. Hindus hold Weddings under the Mandap

PS: Never keep your feeling only till yourself. Tell your parents/children how much you love them. And then you will feel a new happiness and closeness in the relation.

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