“I am what I am” this is one of the common line you can see under the about me section in many profiles on facebook, Orkut and other social networking sites. Whoever writes this, to me it sounds like they don’t want to improve or change in life ever.
I don’t have any hard feelings for them, however I feel this line tells, “I am like this only, take me or leave me”. I strongly believe that we are not the same human being throughout our life. We change always, whether we notice it or we don’t. Not only physically, we change mentally and emotionally too. Our view towards life and others things changes as the life passes.
If you have a flaming nature that does not mean you should be the same throughout your life, your nature will change with time. And if you don’t want to leave things on time, try consciously to calm down yourself and with practice it will become your nature.
It is good to be what we are and we should not pretend for pleasing others. However if we have any negative quality or something which bothers us or our success, we should try to get rid of it rather than accepting it as our never changing attitude.
I never said that I am perfect, but it always bothers me to see people who don’t want to improve. If some time you want to give them any advice because you consider them as your friend and you wish all well for them, they react saying “I am like this only”. You are not living in an isolated land. You are the part of this society. If you bind your self within your limitations, you will never move forward.
I have a friend who used to get depressed for every small thing. Sometimes she used to blow her mind for some not so important stuff. She could have just been the same, and allowed people to hate her for this silly attitude of her. She could have let this one negative side of her to overshadow all her positive qualities. However my friend chose the other way. She started analyzing her mood swings. She started reading good motivational books. With her efforts and time she improved a lot. Today she is a positive and self motivated person.
So the point is this that we can improve our self if we want to. People say "I am what I am" however I would say "You are what you wanted to be". Only we have the biggest control on ourselves. We should not shut all the doors for positive changes and give an arrogant look to others. We are the masters of our life. Always be ready to learn lessons from every big and small thing in life. Pick the pearl leave the shell. Always be ready to welcome improvements in life. Do not shut the door to your success by saying “I am what I am”.
As I said before, my idiot box makes my room lively. That only gives me company for dinner. Last week while having dinner I saw new daily soap on Sony entertainment television. This serial revolves around a girl, whose family is trying to arrange her marriage. The plot is very much similar to many other serials on air, but that one episode which I saw that night made me think over it.
In that episode, this girl and her family went to a restaurant to meet one prospective groom’s family. After staring at the girl for half an hour boy’s mom took her inside the restroom, as she wanted to check that the girl don’t have any mark on her body. That is embarrassing for any girl and so it was for her. Girl started crying, to which our prospective groom’s mom said “मैं तो आलू भी दस बार जाँच कर खरीदती हूँ | फिर ये तो मेरे बेटे की शादी का सवाल है |” (I even check potato ten times before buying, then this is the question my son's wedding) . And in next episode, boy’s mom took the girl to a gynaecologist for checking her fertility.
“What a piece of crap this is.” I said to myself after watching this. You may also feel the same. Some of you may ask, is this story from some other era. To our surprise, this story is of this era only, and in many small towns in India this is how girls are made to give tests for getting married.
No need to go too far, I know a real life example for the same. This is what happened with one of my friend, when she went to meet the prospective groom’s mom and dad with her family. The guy’s father made her read a book loudly, for checking her reading skills. Damn! She is working with one of India’s largest IT firm, how you can doubt on her reading skills. That was not all. Guy’s mom gave my friend a booklet and asked her to read the digits written on it. To my surprise, that booklet was for color blindness check. I felt so sorry for my friend when I heard this incident. I wonder, this lady wants a life-partner for her son or she is looking for a pilot for their private jet. This was really embarrassing. I must say my friend behaved very patiently, whereas I would have left the place then and there if these tests were conducted over me.
I understand very well that marriage is a lifelong bond. In arranged marriage we cannot trust any stranger that easily, so we check things through our known people. In current time when cheating and fraud rates are so high, it is difficult to believe anyone. Still, this kind of checking is insulting. Because she is a girl, that does not give anyone the authority to treat her like vegetables.
What if the girl’s family also want to know guy’s fertility, make him walk to check that his legs are alright or not, or if they ask the guy to give color blindness test. It will be insulting for him too. He may raise his voice or will reject the girl, as her parents treated him badly. Then why don’t the girls raise their voice against this inhuman behavior and insult.
Time is changing, females are financially independent now. But still they are silently accepting all this insult, as in Indian society from childhood girls are trained to accept such insults and adjust in any situation.
Marriage is the bond of trust. If we don’t trust people and keep checking them, it gives them the feeling of distrust and makes the bond weaker in the beginning itself. We need to trust people to get trusted in return. I would request all the prospective groom’s families, that check things and satisfy yourself as it is the biggest decision in life, but don’t hurt others ego and confidence. You are not in a vegetable market shopping for potato or onion. You are dealing with a girl. Treat her with humanity, as she is also a human.
Past one month kept me very busy. I had lots of work in office and I was suppose to study for my exams too, that was the only reason I had no updates on my blog from last one month. But during this one month I came across many things which I want to share with you all, I will be doing that pretty soon.
During my busy days in office there was one place which gave me rest and quick break from staring at the PC, and that place was the RESTROOM. So I thought why not dedicate this post on the restrooms, which always give us rest and peace.
Now those days are gone, when public toilets used to be a place we visit only when we really need it and leave it as soon as possible. Now we have public toilets which are popularly known as restroom. They are far cleaner and smell fresh like a flower shop.
The ladies restroom in my office is a place which is very neat, smells fresh and is spacious. When you have to talk something personal over the cell phone and don’t want your cube mate to hear, the best place to head to be the restroom.
In my previous organization our office timings were quite odd. Office in-time was morning 7:30. That was real early morning and for sure when it takes you an hour to reach office, you won’t get any time at home to get ready properly. During those difficult times the only escape was the restroom :)
Ladies with a mini cosmetic shop in their handbag, used to head to restroom directly after swiping their ID card. And the scene inside the restroom was same like a wedding house. Where all the ladies want to get ready first, before the groom arrives. Everyone used to try to get place in front of the mirror. I used to comb my hair and observe the dexterity with which few ladies apply lipstick and eyeliner and used to instruct their home maid over the phone at the same time. All the clumsy looking souls use to come out of restroom in tip-top condition. This was impossible if the restroom was not there.
Many times we meet most of our colleagues in restrooms only, and get a chance to catch on each other’s work and life. That is the common place for people from all teams. That’s the place which is free from access control and treats everyone equally.
Even in the malls we can find very interesting conversations and sometimes critical movie reviews inside the rest room. Talks about new fashion, quick recipe or about some actor or art, all kind of time-pass masala you can find in the restroom. And for a girl like me, who like to observe people, this is a nice time pass.
You believe it or not, when I joined my current organization, one friend of mine asked me how big are the female restrooms in my office, before asking my new package. That’s the importance restrooms have in our life :P. Restrooms always give rest to our tired mind and body. I am really thankful to the modern concept of neat, clean, spacious public toilets. And I will take this as an opportunity to thank all the facility employees who keep the restrooms neat & fresh. Who take care of all the mess created by us and make our restroom short-trips smell great :)