Sugarfree Lovers

June 15, 2010

She is Human

As I said before, my idiot box makes my room lively. That only gives me company for dinner. Last week while having dinner I saw new daily soap on Sony entertainment television. This serial revolves around a girl, whose family is trying to arrange her marriage. The plot is very much similar to many other serials on air, but that one episode which I saw that night made me think over it.

In that episode, this girl and her family went to a restaurant to meet one prospective groom’s family. After staring at the girl for half an hour boy’s mom took her inside the restroom, as she wanted to check that the girl don’t have any mark on her body. That is embarrassing for any girl and so it was for her. Girl started crying, to which our prospective groom’s mom said “मैं तो आलू भी दस बार जाँच कर खरीदती हूँ | फिर ये तो मेरे बेटे की शादी का सवाल है |” (I even check potato ten times before buying, then this is the question my son's wedding) . And in next episode, boy’s mom took the girl to a gynaecologist for checking her fertility.

What a piece of crap this is.” I said to myself after watching this. You may also feel the same. Some of you may ask, is this story from some other era. To our surprise, this story is of this era only, and in many small towns in India this is how girls are made to give tests for getting married.

No need to go too far, I know a real life example for the same. This is what happened with one of my friend, when she went to meet the prospective groom’s mom and dad with her family. The guy’s father made her read a book loudly, for checking her reading skills. Damn! She is working with one of India’s largest IT firm, how you can doubt on her reading skills. That was not all. Guy’s mom gave my friend a booklet and asked her to read the digits written on it. To my surprise, that booklet was for color blindness check. I felt so sorry for my friend when I heard this incident. I wonder, this lady wants a life-partner for her son or she is looking for a pilot for their private jet. This was really embarrassing. I must say my friend behaved very patiently, whereas I would have left the place then and there if these tests were conducted over me.

I understand very well that marriage is a lifelong bond. In arranged marriage we cannot trust any stranger that easily, so we check things through our known people. In current time when cheating and fraud rates are so high, it is difficult to believe anyone. Still, this kind of checking is insulting. Because she is a girl, that does not give anyone the authority to treat her like vegetables.

What if the girl’s family also want to know guy’s fertility, make him walk to check that his legs are alright or not, or if they ask the guy to give color blindness test. It will be insulting for him too. He may raise his voice or will reject the girl, as her parents treated him badly. Then why don’t the girls raise their voice against this inhuman behavior and insult.

Time is changing, females are financially independent now. But still they are silently accepting all this insult, as in Indian society from childhood girls are trained to accept such insults and adjust in any situation.

Marriage is the bond of trust. If we don’t trust people and keep checking them, it gives them the feeling of distrust and makes the bond weaker in the beginning itself. We need to trust people to get trusted in return. I would request all the prospective groom’s families, that check things and satisfy yourself as it is the biggest decision in life, but don’t hurt others ego and confidence. You are not in a vegetable market shopping for potato or onion. You are dealing with a girl. Treat her with humanity, as she is also a human.


MangoMan said...

I believe all of this comes as a part of an arranged marriage!

Double Standards indeed!

SUNNY said... of my friends told me about the same daily soap episode..her mother had switched off the TV totally depressed coz her own daughter is dealing with problems of arranged marriage..
as for the girls raising their voice..this is india..we are still held tight in the chains of social stigma and everything if the girl doesn't marry 'at the right' age..Pathetic..Girls are ready to raise their voice..But who will explain the situation to their parents..In your friend's case, i think, instead of the girl, her parents shud have spoken against the injustice met out to their daughter infront of their own eyes..

Reshma said...

This is really disgusting but its true and happens not only in small town but also in big cities, all signs of pseudo-progress and liberalisation of society.Its high time people realise that whether it is a guy or a girl, both are humans first.
What if the same story were to be replayed with the groom's sister???Surely the aaloo ka jaach line would have hurt the same lady who never thought twice before uttering it to the poor prospective bride.People feel the hurt and pain only when it happens to them, even then very few dare to raise their voice and the rest accept the most bizzare happenings as their fate.Such horrible attitude towards girls is what is contributing to female foeticide/infanticide.

Lakshmi Rajan said...

We can't discount it as a small town practices, surprisingly many in big cities and well educated indulge in this too. But things are indeed changing in many parts ... Hopefully better sense will prevail in the coming generations ...

Sweta said...

Thanks to you all for your comments.

I feel only the guy can help in over coming this problem.
He can strictly tell his parents not to treat the girl inhumanly.
As they will listen to no one else but their son.

Fahad said...

Sweta, i second what you have said...
The guys have to stand out and talk when things like this happen..

OP said...

i think u shud add parents part too
they shud feel proud and confident abt their daughter
its they who protect since she born and suddenly 1 day they just want get rid off her
i hate this mentalty ..

Subodh Taigor said...

Eat well, sleep well, Exercise well and look jaw-dropping sexy. Now, make the guy dancing for you...:)

Sahana said...

This is so gross..Firstly Indian TV showing such crap and the fact that it happens in real life is also very saddening. It must be very painful for the girl.

Thanks for bringing this up. I am going to link this post from our blog

Rajlakshmi said...

really double standards... its surprising that these incidences still occur... relationships wieghed in the same way like materials...

Anonymous said...

I am sure the guy who came to see your friend is an educated fellow right?
What exactly was he doing when his parents were treating this gurl like a vegetable. If he couldn't stand up and ask his parents to behave themselves then I don't think the guy is ready to get married. I wonder how the guy would feel if he was treated like a veggie

Sweta said...

Hey everyone,
Thanks for your comments...
As most of you said, the guy and the girl's family should stand for the girl. They should save her from such inhuman behaviour.

But in society we have some people called "Relatives", who just like to continuously tell you that your daughter won't get married anywhere. This demotivates the parents and the girl.

We should show the door to such people and never entertain them.

Joshi Mukard said...

Though these double standards prevail even in modern society, in some sections it is actually changing. Many families in kerala have started asking for guys blood and health report, and they also do a private enquiry

Chapters From My Life said...

I refused to do anything of that sort back when I got married ... Glad you brought the much needed attention to this topic

Pankaj Batra said...

good perspective from a woman's angle.

Unknown said...

hmm.. this is the sad part of urban india.. even in the big cities people r so narrow minded.. it sucks.. but we have to take responsibility to curb such stupid, innate practices..

Jil said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Jil said...

I dont think these kind of things happen in reality.
All are crap seriel stuffs.
Better we should keep away from these sort of seriels.
If it happens realy, Why can't a boy/girl opose it.
And now adays girl/boy are smart enough to say "NO" to al these junk stuffs

Its always good to have an enquiry about the bride/groom. As you are going to marry an unknown person.
But should be in a healthy way.

differently different said...

It is really pathetic to see this type of behavior from orthodox families .

well I think in this case the girl should have revolted instead of family....but all these things will come to extinction,,,,by the function of time,,,,and its not too far .
every thing is changing,,,,,so it also will

Unruly Rebel said...

well its really bad dat all of it still happens in our advanced india..
well as u said while workin in top it firm she was subjected to a readin test, i guess even if she was not dey had no right to test her dis way..antwaz nice post..

do visit my post and do promote it if you like it.. :)

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